Enjoy the Silence

Got my old laptop up and running, so I'm hoping it helps keeping this site going a bit easier. Trying to teach myself more html, might add some changes once I understand other elements like buttons and whatnot. We will see!

For the time being, I've been working on artfight and writing. Should any viewer come across this, my artfight is cornsilklesbian. I've been having fun with it. Not many updates to give.

Been struggling to keep up with this space for a bit, have been having some physical and mental health shenanagins - it's storm season so I''m sore all over, and my fiancee's grandmother passed away so we're both in a bit of a weird spot mentally. I also had some memories resurface, which I'm trying to cope with and not allow myself to forget like I have in years passed because I want to try to bring it up with my therapist this time. It's frustrating and very confusing to try and cope with. The reality of it is hard to understand.

I need to remind myself of the nuance in that situation, but also I need to allow myself to feel the hurt and confusion of it. Which is especially hard because of how deep that specific wound is. I don't know. I want to read more, I need to, I want to distract myself but I know that'll make it easier to forget this stuff. I could make a note of it on my phone but... I don't want that on there anymore than it already is. It's scary because it makes me feel small. I never want to feel small, if I can help it - I worked really hard to get where I am today to feel semi-confident in taking up the space that I and my body take up.

The world is a little fucked, and I can't not think about it every day.

YEAHHHHHHHHH BABEYYYYY

I am so excited, I just finished my goal on nanowrimo's website where I've been tracking my writing progress on my first book. Managed to update every day of my goal of 120,000 words. I surpassed that goal by 6,604 words with is so wild to me. Kinda sorta starting to edit more early, buttttt it's okay. I have outlined my first rough of the second book, and from 04/01/2024 to 04/07/2024 I am going to try so hard to take a break from writing. We'll see if I can handle it lmao

I don't know what I'll do with myself in that time, maybe try to get outside more and preemptively get that routine back. We'll see.

Overall it's so exciting and also very daunting that I've written my final draft and am now going to get into editing it. I wrote a book! Holy shit! Soon after I get notes back from beta readers, I plan on starting to query agents and the like for publishing. I might cry if I get a publishing deal, honestly. I'm so thrilled.

Heugh I want to finish bulking the last two chapters of my book sooooooooo bad but. I need to pace myself. I'm keeping track of my progress with Nanowrimo's website and my end-date goal is for the 31st. But oh my godddddddddddddddddd

Oh my god I have the writing bug so bad right now. I'm so close to being able to like. take critiques so I can edit it while I work on the second book and then I can start querying. I'm so invested in making this read well and have a good and poignant plot. I cannot imagine how happy I'll be when I reach that point, especially if I'm able to get this published.

This is such a big deal for me, and I want to keep going but I gotta do dishes too. Have been due to do that for a little while now.

Writing is such a fun thing to do, now that I've had time to actually do worldbuilding and other such things. Hoping and praying it all goes well.

Updated things. Read books. Have written about 93 percent of my first book. Made meatballs the other day, and they were delicious.

I don't have a whole lot to say, honestly. I should find an image I like to post though.

Oh, I also started looking at publishing houses and agents to query once I've reached a good spot with my manuscript. (AUGH the nerves though. The nerves of it all, knowing I've written a book.)

Started recording my thoughts on A Decolonial Feminism and got some writing done on my first book. Only did 650-ish words out of the total 1072-word goal, which is fine since I try to stay ahead of my overall word-goal on nanowrimo. I'm getting so close to being done with this first book's final draft before editing and I am very very excited. Already thinking about what plot points I want to include in the second book, and how my main four characters would make decisions surrounding those points.

Additionally, today I had an EEG to check on whether my anti-seizure meds need to be upped in dosage and I got to have a great nap afterwards. Nothing beats a good nap after an EEG - trying to get the body to produce seizure activity is exhausting, actually. Also worked on the website some more and while making this post my fiancee is playing Kingdom Hearts II. Overall it's a pretty good day today. Don't know if I'll have more thoughts to share later today.

I've been so beyond bored, honestly. I want to go hiking, or camping, or something but it's really not easy to do in my city. Between the sound of the cars, and the lack of decent green spaces, I miss the little town my mom lives in wayyyy too much. I want to see family too. Phone calls are hard. Etc, etc. Lamenting. You know how it is.

For what it's worth though, I am grateful for living in a city (he says through grit teeth lmao).

I'm at least trying to practice gratitude for it. I left a really shitty situation that kinda got me stuck here, which... is also shitty. But I digress.

Things could be worse. But I miss my family and the outdoors being easier to access.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

At least I have a website to pick at, and my writing projects. And some good friends.

Goddddddd figuring out layouts has been so tiring. But this one should be better on mobile and should be easier for me to use and update too. Yayyyy html learning!!!

^me while figuring this shit out tbh